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Mom Confessions #1 - Potty Training the Third

2/20/2013

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No one is perfect.  Most especially parents.  Really we are just trying our best to make it through the day unscathed.  With that being said, we've all got little secrets that have helped us maintain our sanity.  So, I thought I'd do a little confessing today. 

I don't really remember potty training my first two kids.  There are many things that the brain just doesn't hold on to, probably because it's better to not remember some things.  Potty training is not very fun depending on your kid.  I do remember my son picked it up pretty quickly, but I'm not sure how much his pre-school had to do with that.  He was my first so I didn't have anything to compare it to. 

My second (oldest daughter) took a little longer.  She just wasn't really interested and then when she was almost 3 she just did it.  Just like that she decided she wanted to use the potty like a big girl.  I've seen so many people stress about potty training - fighting their child and/or really struggling.  I'm convinced that when they're ready, they're ready.  So, if you start too early you'll just end up fighting them and making yourself miserable until their ready.  As a good friend told me - 'They are not going to be wearing a diaper when they're 10, so who cares'.  Yes.  Exactly.  Pick your battles and don't stress.

Well, the third one came around and we were just lazy.  They were working with her at school, but that was only 3 days a week.  She would then be home 4 days a week and I would put her in a pull-up because I didn't want to deal with it while running errands or doing family things.  Her teachers were so great and didn't really say much.  So, one day I just decided to send her to pre-school full time for awhile for the sole reason of them potty training her. 

It really made so much more sense - she stayed in her small room with a potty no more than a few steps away at all times, clean clothes in her backpack and teachers who made her go often.  I was just not good at that - I would forget and she would have an accident or I just put the pull-up on.  Lo and behold she potty trained quickly and after awhile I sent her back to pre-school only 3 days a week. 

So, yes, I sent my kid to full time preschool so they would do all the hard potty training work for me.  That's my confession.  It really was win-win.  Baby LOVES going to pre-school, and now I don't have to buy pull-ups any more.  Now, just to work on getting out of night-time diapers . . .
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Parenting with Love and Logic

2/15/2013

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Parenting three kids is overwhelming.  Especially now when they are all in such different developmental stages.  The older two understand certain things and are capable of certain limits and jobs, whereas the youngest isn't.  So, it may seem like she 'gets away' with stuff, which sets off wailings of how unfair and mean we are.  And, of course, like all children they argue about just about anything.  They do get along, but boy do they love to argue.  And, it seemed the arguing and not listening was just getting out of control.  

When arguing and listening get out of control, parents unravel.  I don't care who you are, you unravel.  A normal human being can only listen to so much whining, complaining, tattling and fighting, and it's possible that the threshold is lower when it's your own children. (I can listen to other kids doing the same without really caring at all and sometimes I don't even hear, simply because I know it's not my problem)

So, the Hubs and I jumped at the opportunity to attend the Parenting with Love and Logic classes our daycare was offering for FREE (Thank you best daycare/after school program EVER)!!  We missed the first class because husband was out of town and my ankle sprain was too fresh to risk going out in public alone with three kids.  But we attended the second and I attended the third alone because hubs was out of town again.  I believe we have 2 more classes.  

We immediately implemented the strategies offered in the class, and immediately saw a difference.  We were having some bad bedtime tantrum problems and were literally out of juice to deal with it and it was stressing our whole lives out.  The main ideas behind the program is to teach children to make their own decisions and that parents consultants rather than dictators in the home.  For example, we can't force our son in to bed and threats will only make him act out.  So, we used some strategies such as talking in a very boring tone and saying simple things like 'I know or ' when he's throwing a tantrum and saying how mean we are.  That immediately takes away the ability for the kids to argue with us.  Then, we sat in a chair in the dark talking to each other about boring stuff while our son wandered around and refused to go to bed.  We would occasionally tell him that Daddy would sit at the top of the stairs when he's in bed and quiet.  We also said there would be consequences for not doing bedtime but we would have to think about it and let him know at a later time.  Well, that really bothered him and he eventually went upstairs to bed.  We let him know the next day that because he made bad choices he would lose TV privelages.  

The next night it was a similar thing, but this time he said that Star Wars (Clone Wars cartoon) was scaring him.  So, the hubs and I said that since it was too scary it would have to be deleted from the DVR.  Well, that set off our son, and he tried to physically stop me from deleting it.  Luckily, the hubs can control the TV from our bedroom as well, and so he started deleting it and our son was running back and forth from the living room to the bedroom.  It was deleted, and we never rose our voices or said anything other than stuff like  'oh, how sad for you' and 'i know' when he was yelling about all this.  The following day we said we would have to take all his Star Wars toys away since it was too scary for him, but let him know he could possibly earn it back, but if he fought us they would all be sold.  

The next night bedtime was just fine.  We haven't raised our voices or yelled since that first class.  

The best moment came the other day when I was helping the girls with dinner and my son needed help with some Legos.  I calmly said I'd help him when I was done with the girls.  He had a tantrum so I kept saying 'I only help children who aren't throwing tantrums' over and over.  So, he threw his Legos.  I said very calmly and quiet 'Oh, how sad for you, that was a bad decision.  I'll have to take care of this later'.  Knowing that there would be a consequence, he screamed at me 'STOP ACTING LIKE A MANIAC!!!' while laying on the floor, at which point I thought I was going to die from laughter.  I literally had to turn around and walk away because I was laughing so hard.  I hadn't yelled or raised my voice beyond quiet talking, but he just couldn't stand the lack of drama.  After a couple minutes he calmed down, cleaned up all his Legos and asked me if I wanted to play baseball with him outside.  

This program has literally transformed our lives.  Our home is calmer and happier, and while it is a process and it's not perfect, we are on our way to a very happy existence as a family. And, it is my hope that it will help me to raise responsible, self-reliant adults.  

You can look up Parenting with Love and Logic and find seminars and parenting classes wherever you are.  They also have videos and books if you can't find classes to attend.  It will change your life forever, and I highly recommend it if you are battling with stubborn children, not listening, tantrums, irresponsibility, etc. in your home!  
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Mama Sprains her Ankle

2/13/2013

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Two weeks ago as I was happily jogging down a very non-descript, quiet street, my foot happened to land on a stupid, flattened, pinecone and down I went.  Kind of like when a toddler is running with no possible expectation that they could fall, but then they do - down like a sack of potatoes.  I fell hard and onto the pavement with my left knee and wrist taking the brunt of the force.  Except that as an adult I have farther to fall than a toddler and I"m not made out of cartilage.  I could almost hear those tendons stretching like an overextended rubber band.  I sat there in the middle of the street for a minute thinking, 'did that actually just happen? Am I actually sitting in the middle of the street'?  Then I stumbled to get up and realized that my ankle was not in good shape.  And it didn't improve after a few steps, and it hurt.  Bad.  A few unsteady steps later I realized my knee was also scraped and it turned out to be terribly bruised.  And then I began my almost 1/2 mile walk home.  I don't usually bring my phone with me while jogging because I usually just go around the neighborhood across the street, but the 1/2 mile to the far side is apparently pretty far.  The person sitting in their car while their children loaded up didn't bother to say anything to me (I was in direct shot of her rear view mirror, but maybe she didn't notice the person lying in the middle of the street . . .), so I hobbled home and it became blatantly clear with each painful step that I didn't just twist it.  

I got home and told my husband I was injured.  I then I took a pathetic shower trying to stand on one leg while the hubs went to the store to get me an ace bandage.  After some tears because the pain was literally so sharp and throbbing (the hubs thinks I have a low pain tolerance, which I don't and as one point of reference , I've given birth twice and I'm pretty sure the epidural didn't work right on the first one) I sat, for most of the day because it was so painful to do anything else.  Oh, and of course my youngest was home with a fever, so thankfully my dear husband came home to bring me food at lunch and to take her upstairs for a nap.  

A sprained ankle may not sound like a big deal to most.  After educating myself on WebMD, I decided I probably had a bad level 2 sprain (3 is the worst).  It was swollen and bruised, so I went to the doctor and thankfully it wasn't broken.  As a mother of three kids, though, not being able to walk is a pretty serious problem, especially when there is a feverish toddler in the house and I was planning on doing everyone's laundry after my jog.  

I literally sat for 2 days which was nearly torture, especially with that sick toddler running around.  We watched the 'Glee 3-D' movie 3 times in one day interspersed with some 'Tom and Jerry' and 'Rio'.  I thought my brain my explode from TV coma.  After 2 days, the house was a mess, no one had any clean clothes, I couldn't do the stairs, and I certainly wasn't cooking.  I wanted to enjoy the time to be forced to sit, but all I could think about was all the things piling up that weren't going to finish themselves.  I'd rather be 'forced' to sit and relax in a Hawaiian resort.  I can do my 'Mom job' when I'm sick or my back hurts or I have a headache, but it is really hard to do anything when you can't walk.  I don't think I truly appreciated how much I run around the house constantly.  Properly functioning feet are truly a blessing most of us probably take for granted.  When do we ever notice our feet or ankles unless they are hurting, or we have an exceptionally nice pedicure? They are really neglected.

Anyway, it's been 2 1/2 weeks, and it's still a little swollen, still bruised and it still hurts to move in certain directions.  When I originally read that it will take 4-6 weeks to heal I didn't believe it, but I guess WebMD knows its stuff.  I sprained the same ankle in college, though not nearly as bad, so maybe it was already a little weakened.  Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn't be running.  Once I do go jogging again I know I'll be totally paranoid.  With a little help, the house is running as it should be.  I gained a little insight in how productive my kids can be and they obviously are capable of doing more jobs around the house. I'll do my best not to take my feet for granted anymore, especially since I won't be wearing any of my cute heels or boots anytime soon.  And I will certainly start bringing my phone with me while jogging.
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