A couple weeks ago I noticed my cat, Lucy (the calico to the left) wasn't eating.  I thought maybe she didn't like the food or something, so I gave her fresh food.  She jumped down and started eating so I didn't think anything of it.  Several days later I again noticed I hadn't had to fill her food, and I knew the kids weren't feeding her without me asking.  But, my husband was out of town and I was dealing with several things like having to take my youngest to the ER and Urgent care (asthma), me being sick, and my son REALLY missing his Dad.  I was exhausted.

So when my husband came home he was kind of looking at her and noticed she was lethargic and didn't seem right.  I mentioned that she wasn't really eating and we decided to take her to the vet.  She was looking thing and breathing kind of hard, but I definitely thought we'd be bringing her home with some medicine.

My youngest and I took her to the vet, and she did some tests for liver function and FIV which were all negative so she did an x-ray.  That showed a bunch of stuff in her lungs.  The vet said it could be asthma and we could try a steroid treatment to see if helped her breathing.  So, we left her there.  The vet called about 6 hours later saying it hadn't worked, and like we discussed previously it was probably cancer or a fungus.  Both of which there was nothing we could do.

I asked her what we should do and how long she thought she had, fully expecting to hear that we could take her home and it might be a month or 2.  But, she told me we could come say goodbye to her tonight or take her home and say goodbye in a couple of days.  I immediately said we'd take her home, but my husband thought we should just go say goodbye.  I agreed because it didn't make any sense to prolong her suffering, especially since she hadn't been eathing or drinking for so long. 

So, we took the kids over to the vet to say goodbye.  They have a special room for this type of thing, and we sat on the couch with her and everyone gave her loves.  My husband took all the kids out while they administered the sedating shot, and then the 2 older kids came back in while it took effect.  It seemed like she knew or something.  She didn't fight it and she just sat there while I held her and the kids pet her, but she purred until she was knocked out.  Once she was all the way out, the nurse came back in and took her back to give her the final shot so the kids wouldn't see.  We were all sad - the kids and I were crying, but at least we got to say goodbye.  My youngest still thinks she's  

I was a little surprised and how sad and teary I was, but I've never had to put an animal to sleep before.  But, Lucy was 11 1/2 years old, which is not terribly old for a cat.  We got her before we were married and she lived in all three houses with us that we've lived in.   Prior to discovering my asthma, she used to sleep right next to my head every night purring away with her two little paws on my pillow or arm.  She and our other cat were the very first furry animals our son had ever seen after we brought him home from Guatemala (they really scared him at first!). She was a good little kitty and it's definitely weird not having her around. 

Our other cat, Thunderball (the orange tabby) disappeared about a year ago, and that is much easier than putting one to sleep, although there really isn't any closure.  Lucy always missed him a lot.

The next day I picked her up - they put her in a nice box that was wrapped in some blue fabric paper, and I buried her in our garden.  We are going to make some little 'headstones' for each cat and put them in that spot. 

That was not at all what I was expecting to happen, but in my gut I knew something was really wrong - cats don't just stop eating.  It was certainly a rough week, but the vet office was so nice and  sweet and even sent us a little sympathy card. 

Hopefully both cats are up in heaven some where finally back together again.

Lucy a couple months old in 2001

It's been a rough couple of months as I've held down the home-front while my husband has been working in Los Angeles 2 weeks out of every 3.  Homework, activities, sickness, and all the other wonderful things that come with children have been keeping me extremely busy and a bit frazzled.  It usually feels like I"m just barely keeping my head above water, so it's the small victories that keep me going.

So, because it's been so crazy around here I've been relying a great deal on convenience foods.  My daughter won't eat the school lunch, and she's very picky which makes packing a decent lunch difficult.  The one thing she does love is pasta - even asking for it for breakfast!  As a result, I was sending spaghetti-o's in her lunch.  She ate it and seemed happy.  But, I kept feeling guilty about sending canned pasta for every day.  

I'm sure there are many more unhealthy things, but I don't like spaghetti-o's.  In fact, I dislike them so much that I refuse to eat them.  My Mom is Italian and would never have dreamed of serving something like that to us.  So I decided to make my own.  I got some alphabet pasta, organic pasta sauce and meatballs and made up a big ol' batch of 'letter pasta'.  

The morning came that I packed it in her lunch and even topped it with a little parmesan cheese.  I was nervous that she would come home and complain because she is one to not like change.  Plus, she's five, and her little five year old palate is just not that worldly despite my best efforts to expand it.  And she's stubborn as hell and usually refuses to try anything that doesn't look like something she already knows she likes.  

BUT, she got off the bus and told me that she loved the pasta in her lunch that day and asked if she could have it again!!  Yay!  I was so excited!  I mean, I know that the pasty pasta sauce in those cans is weird and not really pasta sauce in my opinion, but kids like it for some reason.  It's a good thing, too, because I made about 3 weeks worth of lunch portions to freeze for later.  

This reminded me of the time that she refused to eat some store bought pesto sauce because it tasted weird - turns out my homemade (and homegrown) sauce is way tastier and lacking in the citric acid preservatives.  (I'm not a great cook, but I do make some killer pesto sauce!)

Anyway, parenting is hard, and we are always trying to do the right thing for our kids.  But sometimes, just making it through the day successfully without incident becomes the main focus.  As a result, it's the small victories that make us feel good and remind us that we don't completely suck as parents.  Even if that victory is as small as my kid liking the food that I made for her.  Hey, I'll take what I can get!