I did it again.  Every time I do it, I vow to never ever do it again, but somehow I forget what a pain it truly is.  I am talking about taking all three children to the store.  The husband is out of town and daycare informed me that the baby is totally out of wipes.  And, of course we are nearly out of them at home as well, so I had to make the trip.  I thought I could get by with a super quick trip - in and out and done.  And, I was almost in the clear until my oldest daughter decided she had to go to the bathroom right in the middle of the store.  I should have known since she has to go at the same time every day, but I really just thought we could do a quick and easy 10 minute trip. 
     I know I risk an accident when I ask if she can just wait a few minutes.  She said yes, but I never really have any idea how much time I've bought.  Luckily, she didn't say anything for awhile and so we were able to check out without too much incident.  Then she said she had to go really bad, so I had no choice but to take the cart with our purchases into the bathroom.  I'm always worried that the manager is going to come harrass me or want to inspect my purchases when I do that, but I took it all in anyway.  I left the baby in the cart, charged my son with standing next to her and then headed into the stall with my daughter.  She did her business and in the meantime the baby was unhappy about my absence and was making a good amount of noise, which any mother knows is magnified 14,000 times in a echoey, tile and metal filled bathroom.  I"m sure that's exactly what the other people were hoping to hear while r  
     We made it out just fine and much to my surprise we had no major temper tantrums or issues.  But, as I've said before, bathroom emergencies with all three kids in a store just plain sucks.  Every time I do it, I swear I will never put myself or the other patrons of the store through all that, but somehow it keeps happening.  Someday they will be able to go into a public bathroom all by themselves, and I will be able to function like a normal person, but until then I must continue strategizing how to not take all three kids places by myself. 

    A friend recently commented to me that my blog made her scared to death to even contemplate adding a third baby to their family.  My intention is certainly not to scare anyone, but to just share what it's like raising three little ones.  I also like to write to help myself see the humor in our situations as it can be really hard to see the big picture when you're deep in the trenches.  I thought about her comment to me, and realized I wanted to share the hardest thing about our life with three kids.
    We talked about having three kids from the beginning of our relationship, and once we had two we talked long and hard about having a third and ultimately decided that even though we knew it would be really, really difficult for the first few years at least, we still wanted to add to our family.  So, we went for it without thinking too much, because if you think too much it will completely drive you crazy.  We were definitely right about the difficulty of it all, and now that the baby is walking and starting to interact with her siblings we can see how awesome it will be once she's old enough that we can go places and do things as a family without worrying about all the 'baby' stuff.
    We are often tired and frustrated and exhausted as most parents are, and the biggest thing for us is that we do not have any family here.  Our closest relatives are about an hour away, which is not close enough for emergency babysitting or even to trade babysitting.  We have friends, but you can't just ask friends to watch three toddlers on a whim the same way you can Grandma and Grandpa.  We've called friends during emergencies, but we definitely don't have anyone knocking down our door wanting to babysit.  And, I COMPLETELY understand, and do not expect it in any way.  If we lived near grandparents, we would probably have some offers to help out every once and a while.
    So, because we are here without family we have to pay $10 - $12/hour for babysitting.  So, every time we want to go out with friends or on a date, we have to arrange for a babysitter and pay a hefty fee.  Babysitting fees add up quickly making nights on the town expensive.  The Grandparents visit a few times a year and they usually offer to watch the kids while we go out, and we definitely take them up on that.  If we can't get the babysitter we either don't go out, one of us stays home or we figure out a way to take the kids. We have no choice but to make it work for us.
    But, it would be so much better if we had family close!  I really hope people who live near family know how lucky they are!  It is truly a blessing to be able to live close to relatives who can help when kids are little because it can be trying!  Also, my husband goes out of town on occasion, and that's when I really long to live near my parents.  We do lots of take-out and there are times when I don't know how I get through the week, but I know I"m not the only one in this situation.  I have to remind myself if single Moms and Military families can do it, then so can I.
    It is not easy raising kids, and it would definitely be significantly better if we had family close by, but we do the best we can and try to laugh as much as we can.  I miss sharing special events with the Grandparents, but social media is so great for being able to share everything.  
    Too many people sugar coat things these days as well, and I'm just trying to give you a glimpse into the life of a family of five.  I hope you continue to enjoy and laugh with (at?) me and share your comments because I enjoy it all!!

     I had such high hopes for Spring Break this year, but like just about everything else in life, I planned and apparently God thought I should not have done that.  This was the last 'free' spring break I will have with all my children in childcare.  Next year my son will start kindergarden and will be home with me during spring break.  So, I decided awhile ago that I would take the week for myself.  I really, really wanted to take a short trip to practice my photography and do some writing.  But, inevitably things get in the way.
     My husband has a huge grant proposal due tomorrow, so he was busy working extra all last week, which left me no chance to leave town.  That turned out to be a good thing because here's how the week played out:
    DAY !:  I did some shopping and didn't feel very good all day, but thought I was just tired.  I went to bed and woke up feeling terrible around 2am.  I got to know my toilet in a most intimate way while my body got rid of some horrible virus it must have picked up some where.  At the same time my son was also sick and throwing up over the edge of the top bunk of his bed.  Luckily none of it landed on my daughter sleeping in the bottom bunk.  No one else got sick, thankfully.
    DAY 2:  I felt weak and terrible all day.  Wasn't sick any more, but did laundry, slept and ate soup and bread all day.  The baby woke up with crusty eyes so husband had to take her to the doctor and get $80 medicine for pinkeye.  Seriously - hasn't she been through enough in the last couple weeks?
    DAY 3: All was good except the baby woke up with her eyes crusted completely closed.  It seemed like it kinda hurt her, and I had to pry them open then try to clean all the gunk away.  She is 26 pounds and very strong when she does not want you doing something like prying her eyelids apart.  Later, I ran errands and husband worked late so I had to deal with the kids, which is fine, but it's never easy.  
    DAY 4:  Baby's eyes were crusted closed AGAIN today.  She did not sleep well last night, I think because of her crusty eyes.  I am tired, but I decided to do yard work all day - planted my garden and a few other plants.  I got some sun and felt productive, but the inside of my house is a total mess and I can't stand to walk inside.  Someone's gotta clean it.  Gee, who might that someone be???
    DAY 5: Did some more yard work, baby woke up with a small fever today.  I swear it's the neverending story with this baby.  I'm really hoping it's due to the little tooth breaking through, and thankfully her eyes were better.  I also cleaned out all the old kid clothes and toys for a garage sale on Sat. morning.  I must admit that felt pretty good - there's nothing like clearing old stuff out of the house, and with 3 kids it accumulates faster than you can imagine.
    DAY 6: Woke up at 5:30 (UGH!) to do garage sale at a friends house.  Did pretty good, but was tired all day, baby still had fever.  Actually got to hang out with friends, though.
    DAY 7: Baby still has not shaken fever.  Husband is extra tired from working into the wee hours of the night nearly all week, and kids are awake at 6:30am - why can't they just sleep until 8????  Oh lord.  We did more yardwork, laundry and I had to prepare something for class on Monday as I had nothing planned.  Luckily the tsunami happened and that provided enough material to learn about earthquakes and tsunamis.
    So, there you go.  My relaxing spring break filled with me-time turned into stomach-virus, pinkeye, fever filled joyfest.  But, at least I have my garden planted and I got a little tan.  Like I said - People plan and God laughs.

     Have you ever wished, even if for just a second, that you could have a soap opera baby?  Surely you have seen the kind before - you know, the one that wakes up conveniently right after her Mom has just gotten dressed in the most glamorous casual clothes, perfect hair and amazing make-up.  Then, it seems after a few minutes of holding the her and pretending to give her a bottle, Mom puts her in her room for a nap.  Then Grandma conveniently stops by, has nothing to do and offers to watch the baby so you can run over to the local coffee house for an emergency meeting with the town flouzy who is threatening to steal your husband away.  Then, after slutty girl shows you evidence of suspect activities of what appears to be your husband cheating on you, you dash around town desperately trying to find your husband, but get distracted by horrible sounds coming from the town church.  So, you enter and find a close friend posessed by demons, and you rush to find the priest, and proceed to call some other friends who rush over to help perform an excorcism on posessed friend.  After that you resume your search for your husband only to find him back at the town coffee shop arguing with slutty girl.  He proves she was framing him, and you are both exhausted by the days activities, so you head to the town fancy restaurant for an extended dinner over and endless glass of wine, and then remind husband that you should probably get back to the house to relieve Grandma.
     Once you get home, Grandma says how great baby was all day, and that she's probably ready for a bottle and heads home.  You get the baby, giver her a bottle, quickly put her back down (Wow-baby NEVER fusses!) and return to the living room where there is a romantic setup next to the fire.  You settle in for a romantic, fire-side tryst and then head to bed.  You hear something outside your window, make a contemplative face, fall asleep and wake up the next day ready to find out who is lurking outside your window and why.  And, magically, someone always stops by or offers to watch the baby so you can continue on your Hope Brady-private-glamourous-policewoman-but also a Mom-style life. 
     And then all of a sudden your kid is 8 years old, and it seems that you never had to change a diaper, deal with a temper tantrum, potty train or clean up a mess that whole time!  Amazing!
     there are certainly moments when I thought that may be kinda nice, but then I remember that it's all the little things and seemingly insignificant moments that I love so much about being a Mom!

I really can't believe my babyis already 1 year old!  She really started walking on her birthday, and over the weekend I took her 1 year photos.  She is so pleased with herself that she can walk, and I think she's pretty excited about being able to better keep up with her brother and sister. 

When I look back on the year, it seems that it just flew by, but I know that each day I struggled to just make it through due to lack of sleep seemed so long.  It's funny that I can barely remember the first few months of lives of each of my kids, yet I specifically remember thinking 'how could I possibly forget any of this??"  I guess it's God's way of making sure we will have more children!  If we could really remember how awful we felt the first few months we would never put ourselves through that again!  But, every baby eventually sleeps through the night, parents get more sleep and the kids get more and more fun with each new milestone they conquer.  And, in the end it seems as though it flew by in the blink of an eye.  Some days I can hardly believe that enough time has gone by that I actually have THREE kids!!

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There are not many times I venture out with all three kids by myself for extended periods of time.  And, usually if I do it is to a kid friendly place where I know that bathrooms are easily accessible and large enough for all of us and a stroller.  Occasionally, though, I find myself in a situation that really stresses me out, and I generally think I am pretty laid back as far as all that comes with juggling 3 little balls of toddler energy. 

                The very worst is being in a restaurant with all three when one or both of the older ones decide they have to go to the bathroom.  They are not old enough to do it themselves, and that means I have to get all my stuff – 3 kids and purse/diaper bag and leave the dinner table to make a bathroom run.  I have to clean up the baby, wipe hands and then somehow let someone know that we are not ‘dining and dashing’.  Then we trek to the bathroom where I have to put the baby on the floor and help everyone go potty.  Usually only one has to go and so I ask the other one to try as well so that we don’t sit down and have to repeat the procedure in 10 minutes.  More often than not that starts a small tantrum because that one supposedly doesn’t have to go.  I usually win, and sometimes have to threaten no dessert or something like that to make it happen.  Then I round the herd back to the table to finish dinner and hope everyone maintains composure until we can finish and pay the bill.  Going potty before going anywhere is a requirement in this house for this reason, but it certainly doesn’t always work. 

                The next worst is grocery shopping when the bathroom break needs to happen.  Usually I’ve asked if anyone has to go when we enter the store, have no groceries and are near the bathroom.  It’s such a pain to take all 3 in there that I don’t force it if they say no.  But, of course, one of them has to pee when we are in the aisle farthest from the bathroom and are near the end of the trip.  And try as I might, they just can’t wait 5 minutes until we are either closer to the bathroom or finished shopping. When you gotta pee, you gotta pee I guess. 

                And lastly, the after school hours.  No matter what time we get home in the afternoon the kids are hungry.  Even if I actually witnessed them having snack less than 20 minutes ago, they are hungry and want food 5 minutes ago.  Hungry kids mean whiny kids, and whiny kids mean loud kids and a kitchen full of loud kids means a Mom low on patience. And so I am usually unable to escape the confines of the kitchen for a couple hours after we get home.  Everyone’s telling me what they want and the baby cries until she gets something.  Then once snack is over I have to make dinner, clean dishes, make tomorrow’s lunch, entertain the kids, prevent injury to the crawling/walking baby and occasionally I have to escape the kitchen to use the bathroom (gasp! Mom has to pee?? How dare her!!!). 

                Being outnumbered is hard, but there’s hardly a dull moment in my life!

     There are not many things as a Mother that have really, truly paniced or scared me.  My son once had such a high fever (105 degrees or so) that he was hallucinating that bees were attacking him, and another time he wandered away from the play area in the mall and was missing for a few minutes.  My oldest daughter once fell down the stairs from almost the top (while walking with people - it can actually happen), and somehow I miraculously leapt across the kitchen to catch her just before she hit headfirst on the tile floor.  And then there was the epidsode from this past Sunday.
     We were driving home from a nice day at the rodeo when my husband turned around and noticed that Z (the baby) was shaking strangely.  I tore off my seatbelt and turned around and could feel lots of spit coming out of her mouth and she wasn't really responding to me once the shaking ended.  We immediately pulled over and pulled her out of the car and she was really hot, limp as a noodle and kind of moaning.   We immediately took off her jacket and decided to go home since we were about 2 minutes away.  We got home, took her out of the car and she was still limp and essentially unresponsive except for the wierd moaning/crying.  
     I called 911 and while we waited we laid her down on the floor and she was still completely limp.  She wasn't responding to our voices, touch, or anything.  We called her name, touched her hands and even her eyes were not moving around.  I was really scared, but doing my best to keep my composure so that I didn't scare the baby or the other 2 who were happily eating happy meals.  I held Z as we waited for the ambulance and she just kept moaning, but still not moving.  She is normally a spunky little girl with lots of energy, so this was way, way off for her.  
     It seemed like forever, but the EMT arrived after about 10 minutes.  He immediately said she had a fever and that her pulse rate was high (190), and thought it might be due to dehydration.  He asked lots of questions and then the ambulance arrived.  By this time, she was starting to respond and move a little.  They took her temp, which was only 102 degrees (not crazy for a baby), and explained that she probably had a fever seizure, and that she was probably spent of all her energy.  The EMT from the ambulance said that following seizures people often feel as though they've just run a marathon.  They offered to take her to the hospital, but said we could give her motrin and tylenol and see her doctor the next day and she would probably be fine.  We could also call them back at any time should something else happen.  Z was now responding to her name, drinking a bottle, but was still pretty lethargic and clingy.  A good friend had also come over to help with the other two kids, so that was a huge relief because I had discovered earlier in the day that my older daughter had lice and so I had to treat her and do all the laundry.  Yep, super awesome day.  Oh, and the husband had to go out of town the next morning.  When it rains, it pours, but there's nothing like a febrile seizure to put lice into perspective - they really aren't that big of a deal, but that's a story for another day.
     The baby slept well all night, and I checked on her every couple of hours because I was so nervous.  The next morning we saw the doctor and she explained was the seizures were and that they are caused by a quick spike in temperature, not the degree of temperature.  They only happen in some kids, are not harmful and children usually grow out of them by age 3 or 4.  She also said they can be in a daze for up to an hour afterwards, and that we just have to be aggressive with tylenol and motrin if we feel she is coming down with a fever.  The rest of the day she was pretty clingy, didn't sleep well, didn't eat much and was fussy, and I imagine she just felt crummy after the whole seizure episode.  Today (2 days after) she had a low grade fever, didn't eat much or sleep much, but she's getting some teeth which could easily cause all those symptoms.  She did go to daycare and was generally in a good mood otherwise.
     I didn't know much about febrile seizures prior to this, and I must say there is nothing scarier than something happening to your child that renders them seemingly lifeless.  Every scenario you can imagine went through my head, and I really have never been that scared before.  My Grandmother lost her first daughter to meningitis at 19 months old, and I just kept imagining that (or something similar) happening.  Thankfully, it ended well and she is in no danger.  I"m sure she'll be back to normal soon enough, and i've got another entry to my long list of experiences racked up by being a Mom, although I think I could have done without this one.

     It really doesn't seem all that long ago that I was desperately ready to not be pregnant any more.  No matter how excited a woman is to have a baby, the time does come when she just can't stand the waddling, constant trips to the bathroom, kicks in the rib or directly on the bladder and the lack of sleep due to discomfort (although that last part is just replaced by lack of sleep due to baby).  In a few days my baby will turn one.  Time really does fly, and nature is somewhat miraculous in that it helps you to forget the miserable parts of having a newborn like the exhaustion comas new Moms seem to have as a result of being awake every few hours.  But, it also seems that time flies as a result of that, and hopefully you remembered to take lots of pictures.  I definitely did not take as many pictures of my littlest one, but that was in part due to the fact that I have much less time to do so just because there are three little ones who usually need something from me at all times leaving me less to play with the camera.  My goal is to try to do better and the baby is less needy.
     Anyway, Year One with three kids has been a huge learning experience.  It was challenging to meet the needs of everyone all the time, and I think that will continue.  I can only do so much at one time, and the kids don't quite get that.  I suppose that is to be expected since they are still pretty little, but that doesn't mean it's not frustrating.  None of the baby's milestones were surprising or new to me since this is the thrid time around, but it has been new figuring out how to deal with them in addition to 2 toddlers.  For example, things were pretty easy in the beginning when she couldn't move around on her own.  I could put her someplace and I could even ask one of the other ones to find her pacifier or sometimes even give her a bottle for a minute while I finished something like dinner or a bathroom break.  Although babies are high maintenance because they eat often and poop alot, they are generally not in any kind of danger while remaining stationary in a swing or bouncer.  
     That ends pretty fast when they start to crawl!  My little one started crawling just before Christmas and was pulling up and cruising almost immediately and so the easy days of having three were over!  And she loves to get in to everything - every drawer, cabinet, box that she can get her hands on.  And EVERYTHING goes in her mouth including small rocks, leaves, bottles, etc.  So, I try to keep that area occupied with her pacifier, and that kind of works sometimes.  She quickly learned how to do the stairs and can crawl faster than her brother and sister.  It seems she knows everything she shouldn't touch and also knows when someone looks away for a second.  She can break past any make-shift barrier I create so that I can do things like make dinner or take a bathroom break.  Of course, it's all to be expected, but it's so much harder when there are THREE kids running around.  It seems none of them have discovered any type of patience, and they are all hungry at the same time.  So, it's challenging and tiring, but nothing we didn't know was coming.  It's hard, especially without any family around to help, but there's lots of good, too.
     I love that the baby is finally interacting with people and the environment.  We went to the aquarium recently and she finally noticed the fish and was squealing at them.  She waves at people and loves to play with stuff.  She's VERY close to walking and I'm super excited to be done with expensive formula and bottles.  I'm excited to finally get to do more stuff with all three kids, although she's still too little for some stuff.  We are lucky that she is generally happy and easy going, and her brother and sister love her and watch out for her.  It's been a crazy year, but I'm looking forward to this year with her as an actual participating member of the family!