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Soap Opera Babies

3/16/2011

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     Have you ever wished, even if for just a second, that you could have a soap opera baby?  Surely you have seen the kind before - you know, the one that wakes up conveniently right after her Mom has just gotten dressed in the most glamorous casual clothes, perfect hair and amazing make-up.  Then, it seems after a few minutes of holding the her and pretending to give her a bottle, Mom puts her in her room for a nap.  Then Grandma conveniently stops by, has nothing to do and offers to watch the baby so you can run over to the local coffee house for an emergency meeting with the town flouzy who is threatening to steal your husband away.  Then, after slutty girl shows you evidence of suspect activities of what appears to be your husband cheating on you, you dash around town desperately trying to find your husband, but get distracted by horrible sounds coming from the town church.  So, you enter and find a close friend posessed by demons, and you rush to find the priest, and proceed to call some other friends who rush over to help perform an excorcism on posessed friend.  After that you resume your search for your husband only to find him back at the town coffee shop arguing with slutty girl.  He proves she was framing him, and you are both exhausted by the days activities, so you head to the town fancy restaurant for an extended dinner over and endless glass of wine, and then remind husband that you should probably get back to the house to relieve Grandma.
     Once you get home, Grandma says how great baby was all day, and that she's probably ready for a bottle and heads home.  You get the baby, giver her a bottle, quickly put her back down (Wow-baby NEVER fusses!) and return to the living room where there is a romantic setup next to the fire.  You settle in for a romantic, fire-side tryst and then head to bed.  You hear something outside your window, make a contemplative face, fall asleep and wake up the next day ready to find out who is lurking outside your window and why.  And, magically, someone always stops by or offers to watch the baby so you can continue on your Hope Brady-private-glamourous-policewoman-but also a Mom-style life. 
     And then all of a sudden your kid is 8 years old, and it seems that you never had to change a diaper, deal with a temper tantrum, potty train or clean up a mess that whole time!  Amazing!
     there are certainly moments when I thought that may be kinda nice, but then I remember that it's all the little things and seemingly insignificant moments that I love so much about being a Mom!
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