Over time, the husband and I have come to a very satisfactory agreement.  He 'works late' at the local watering hole once a week while I do solo kid duty, and he takes over for me once a week so I can 'work late' with friends.  It works and makes us both happy, especially since we don't have any form of free babysitting here (i.e. grandparents).  

So, the other night he was heading to the hole after a long meeting and was trying to convince a friend (and new dad) to go.  The friend said he had to head home to baby duty, so my husband made a suggestion of doing something like our arrangement.  A third guy at the meeting chimed in saying something like 'I don't think that's the point of having kids'.  So, the new Dad told him that my husband has 3 kids, to which the other guy didn't have anything else to say.  

Husband came home all fired up telling me what the guy said.  He just couldn't believe that someone had the nerve to suggest that he was a bad parent.  As if he was just leaving our three children in the cold on the back step while he attended some kind of wild party.  I asked if the guy has kids, but husband didn't know, so we couldn't immediately blame the dumb comment on complete and total ignorance about parenthood.  

Parenthood is not about sacrificing an occasional social engagement just so both parents can put the kids to bed at 7 and then watch crappy TV (although there is value in crashing on the couch at the end of the day and indulging in New York Ink or The Soup).  It is not about losing yourself in daily routine.  Guess what?  The baby will be fine if Mom and Dad aren't both there for one bedtime or they have a babysitter.  Parenthood is definitely not about changing your entire life to fit into baby's schedule.  The baby joined your family, remember?

Parenthood IS about raising happy, healthy kids, which sometimes means that Mommy and Daddy need alone time (individually or on a date night).  Human adults can only take so much crying, pooping, whining, cleaning, and laundry without a break before they completely lose their minds.  Parenthood IS about showing your children that you can live a fulfilled life doing things important to you while maintaining that your family is your priority.  Besides, little ones need to know they can't have everything the way they want it all the time.  Surely that lesson will benefit them in the future.  Parenthood IS about family, but every family is composed of individuals who have needs, and if a couple hours at the watering hole helps maintain sanity, then so be it!

Our kids are our number 1 priority, without a doubt.  But, it doesn't mean we shed our former selves of all interests and wants.  There is plenty of sacrificing happening on our part, but we do it joyfully.  And, the occasional few hours to ourselves certainly gives us a renewed boost that we need to get us through fights, whining, peeing on the floor, temper tantrums and endless laundry.  Oh, the laundry . . .  

So, what's the point, then, of having kids if you're just going to go to the bar for 2 hours once a week?  Or take a solo shopping trip on a Saturday afternoon?  I guess I don't have a great answer to that, but we love our three kids, and will certainly continue to make our happiness as adults a priority as well.  A happy adult makes a much better parent.  But that's just my opinion.

            You can do anything with one baby.  Anything.  Travel, have a party, shop, clean house, do laundry, you name it.  And, with a fair amount of ease.  Now, if you currently have one child, you probably think I’m completely crazy, and I wouldn’t have believed it when I just had one either.  But, it’s true.  When we only had 1 kid we could do almost anything.  We shopped, went out to dinner with ease, we took naps.  We could even hold an adult conversation without interruption!  It was pretty easy for each of us to take some needed alone time, whether it was meeting friends or running errands.  We did have some initial blues realizing we had a loss of the complete and total freedom we desperately craved the first 20 years of our lives.  So, we took our son in a stroller out to a busy electronics store on Black Friday (without incident!!) and got an amazing deal on a much needed laptop.  New electronics always make us feel warm, fuzzy and young.  
            Baby #2 arrived and certainly added some spice to our lives.  She was a pretty easy baby – she slept well, ate well, wasn’t fussy and went with the flow pretty well.  We could still go shopping and out to dinner but as she got older it got a bit harder.  Two toddlers require quite a bit of baggage just to go anywhere: diapers, toys, food, bibs, wipes.  But, it was manageable and pretty easy to leave the kids with one of us while the other took that still much needed alone time to do errands or interact with adults.  That happened less, of course, but it was still relatively easy.  More things would have to wait until after the kids went to bed, like laundry, cleaning, or other chores, but we weren’t too tired so it wasn’t a big deal.  That’s about when we decided that we should go for #3 since we weren’t getting any younger.  During the 9 months of waiting for #3, the two older ones got pretty independent, potty trained, were sleeping well and required much less intense attention.
            And then BOOM!  Baby #3 arrived!  She knocked us on our butts!!!  She wasn’t as good a sleeper as #2, but she was pretty good natured.  She liked to stay next to me in the sling all day for several months until she was too big, and that was a bonus.  She was happy and I could easily do just about anything while simultaneously feeding her.  In fact, one time I gave a bath to both the older ones (including hair washing) AND fed the baby a bottle all at the same time.  Thank God for the sling.  Seriously.
            The biggest change from two to three is that we are outnumbered.  Someone always needs something.  It never fails that I might sit down for 3 seconds and someone needs help in the potty, a face cleaned, a toy fixed, a bottle, an argument mediated, a diaper changed or help putting their clothes on.  And, if it’s not a kid needing something, it’s something for the kids that can’t wait like making bottles, preparing food, or washing clothes/bedding (for them, not us).  The kids and their needs take up every second of our time that they are awake.  So, once they are in bed we have to do everything else like our laundry, cleaning, making our lunches, bills, phone calls, etc.  We also like to squeeze in watching our favorite shows (Yay DVR!), which have significantly lowered in numbers since #3.  We are just out of time because we do actually need to sleep at some point.
            The transition from two to three was definitely the hardest, especially since we have no relatives here to help us which means we don’t get a break unless they are visiting.  We have to pay at least $10/hr for a babysitter, and that gets pricey.  It’s hard to leave all three kids with one of us, so we usually do a 2/1split or sometimes leave all 3 with the other.  We make it work and do our best, but we are significantly more tired than with just 2.  The baby is just 11 months old so it will get better in about 2 years when she can talk and follow directions!  I am certainly thankful for take-out and microwaveable food!
            I wouldn’t change a thing though.  The kids are so much fun (when they aren’t arguing) and so, so cute together.  And, we do lots of fun stuff as a family that we never did before like going to pumpkin patches, Christmas tree farms and day trips to experience Texas BBQ.  I’m really looking forward to the time when they are old enough that we can do more stuff together, but I enjoy watching them take care of each other (again, when not arguing or beating each other up), play together and grow into little people.  Someday I will look back on the time when we had three kids under the age of 4 and wish I could go back.  I’m sure, though, that I’ll be looking through rose-colored glasses with very well rested eyes.